Shelley Moore Capito invites George Bush on whistle-tour campaign trip

I don't get it. With news her re-election bid is tightenin', why hasn't Shelley Moore Capito done the obvious: invite our super Presidential George W. Bush back to the district.

We want to see this headline and we want to see it tomorrow morning... "Shelley Moore Capito invites George Bush on whistle-tour campaign trip." It would be so kewl.

Heck, I bet she could even get Dick Cheney to come along, too. One more time for ol' times sake, what do you say?

Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Shelley Moore Capito

It's crunch time. And, I ain't talking about your abs. In case you're wavering, here are the TOP TEN REASONS TO VOTE FOR SHELLEY MOORE CAPITO. (Sorry 'bout the yellin', I'm so excited I can't help myself.)

#1 - Shelley Moore Capito is the most loyal politician in all of the state of West Virginia. Even with our fearless leader President George Bush having a little bump in his favorability ratings, Shelley Moore Capito always stands by our man in the White House. George Bush may not be on the ballot this time, but a vote for Shelley Moore Capito is very the closest you can get.



#2 - Shelley Moore Capito is intimately familiar with all of the problems in Washington. She's served tirelessly on key committees like the one that got to decide which Republican policies to vote on between and how much deregulation the banking industry needed to keep the housing boom going strong.

#3 - Shelley Moore Capito knows how to jump-start the economy. She's in favor of making the Bush tax cuts permanent and even supports John McCain's determination to increase tax cuts for all of us making $1,000,000 a year even larger.



#4 - Shelley Moore Capito won't get distracted by the needs of ordinary, quaint, unfortunate American's stuck in the back allays and side-streets of our proud country. She'll take care of the captains of industry: Main Street and Wall Street.

#5 - Shelley Moore Capito knows how to keep America safe. She's been a strong proponent of extended, expanded, and robust military involvement in Iraq and any other country that threatens us. Like John McCain, she'll keep our soldiers over there as long as it takes!!



#6 - Shelley Moore Capito not just a loyal foot-solider for Republicans in Congress, she's ready to jump in front of any parade! She doesn't get bogged down with things like passing her own legislation, she knows there's lots of strong Congressman ahead of her in seniority to support.

#7 - If you like John McCain and Sarah Palin, you'll love Shelley Moore Capito. Sadly, George Bush has to pass the mantle of leadership to a new generation of Presidential leaders. We'll all miss Dick Cheney and George Bush. Thankfully, we can keep Shelley Moore Capito in office as a reminder of those glory years.

#8 - Shelley Moore Capito has a steadfast support for all that is right in America. There is no Republican policy so unpopular she won't get it the good ol' college try. When George Bush needed support to privatize social security, she was right there, inviting him on a listening tour in West Virginia. When the Republicans new the right way to give Seniors prescription medication was not to bog things down negotiations with pharmaceutical, Shelley Moore Capito was right there! When President George Bush needed Congress to keep funding the war without conditions, Shelley Moore Capito was right there!



#9 - A vote for Shelley Moore Capito is like a vote for John McCain, George Bush, Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin all at once! Go Team! Rah, rah, rah!


#10 - If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Shelley Moore Capito ain't broke, don't fix her!

Now get out there, vote early and often for the very bestest Congresswoman ever from West Virginia. Our very own super-special representative, Shelley "for ever" Moore Capito.

Rep. Shelley Moore Capito, We're Desperatively Seeking Civility Advice

Representative Shelley Moore Capito
Leader and Founder, Congressional Civility Caucus
Past President, Young Women's Christian Association

Dear Representative Shelley Moore "Civility" Capito,

I'm tickled red that you've just held your first Civility Hour. Don't feel too bad about how it went, we threw a party once, too, that no one showed up for. [Those damn Rho Chi Byrd's scheduled a party at the same time on purpose... but that's another story.] All those other stupid Congresspeople aren't really worth having as friends any way!

Even if those sorry people don't appreciate the sacrifices you make for this nation, the Sisters of Shelley really do. Never give up, Sen. Feingold had a bill where he was the only person supporting it a year ago and it passed the Senate just this week. In this great country, when your Dad's been a Governor and Congressperson, anything is possible!

The Civility Hour is yet one more amazing public service you provide us all. After I heard Ms. Manner's might be a liberal, I've no one to ask for civility advice. Pretty please, with a cherry on top, can you help answer a few questions?

1. My Mom says it's wrong for Dad to say "heck" at the dinner table. Now, my Dad isn't the most worldly guy--he hasn't spent time time in jail yet like your Dad has, but I love Dad anyway. I say, what the hell, it's Dad's house and he should be able to say "heck" whenever he wants. What do you think? Is Mom or Dad more right?

2. If a government employee is a "non-career" employee, are they still a Civil Servant? Our dear President George Bush's appointment in charge of all of the people's pencil's, paper, buildings and contracts--Lurita Doan, the head honcho of the Government Services Administration--paid a visit to Congress this week. She gave one of those poor confused Democrat Congresspeople some help when he lost his dictionary.

Rep. Bruce Bailey - "You're familiar with what the word target means.. right?"
Lurita Doan - "I think we could say that I'm one now."

I tried that on a professor during a lecture this morning--he told me to stop being sarcastic. I said, "I'm just being a Civil Servant." Was I civil enough?

3. I know the President, Vice-President, Defense Secretary and at least half the Supreme Court justices work really hard work (we know which ones!). They've got millions of kids looking up to them as role models. They've got all those decisions to make. There's so many bad people they protect us from. President Bush doesn't say so any more, but I remember Presidenting is really hard work.

The Sister's of Capito have a little game going (no gambling, of course, we're not the State of West Virginia selling lottery tickets or anything!). We need your help to know who is the most civil of them all doing these hard jobs?

a. President George Bush's one-finger victory salute?

b. Vice President Dick Cheney, offering anatomically impossible self-exercise advice to a US Senator?

c. Justice Scalia, cleaning off the bottom of his chin in a Boston cathedral?

d. Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld giving Sadaam Hussein an really firm handshake?


Please, please let us know soon, we've got some bets scores to settle.

Lovingly yours (in a most sisterly kind of way possible),

Tiffany, Social Chair
Sigma Mu Capito

p.s. Sister Moorene came up with a slogan for your Civility Caucus: "The only thing worse than civil war is an uncivil war". We hope you like LOVE it!

Shelley Moore Capito Loves America's Top Lawyer

Hi there, Tiffany here! Does GWB look so handsome in blue or what? He's got good taste in his company, too. That's a picture of our beloved Shelley Moore Capito in one of the finest days ever in West Virginia.

There's also a picture of the guy who once was Bush's personal White House lawyer. President George W. Bush is so generous, he gave Gonazles to all of us. Attorney General Gonazles is now the most important lawyer in the world. He represent everybody in the United States.

You know, I feel really sorry for the poor people with Representatives worse than Shelley Moore Capito. [Not the poor people too lazy to work, the unfortunate citizens with bad Reps! ;D]

There's some really pitiful folks in Ohio, NC and Alabama right now:

But two more congressional Republicans urged Bush to dismiss Gonzales, and other Bush loyalists cooled their support for him.

Rep. Paul Gillmor, R-Ohio, said Gonzales "has become a lightning rod and has distracted from the mission of the Department of Justice. Given the totality of the circumstances, I think it would be better for the president and the department if the attorney general were to step down."

Rep. Walter Jones, R-N.C., wrote to Bush warning that if Gonzales allowed politicization of the Justice Department, "then our nation's law enforcement officers will lose the trust of the American people."

Sen. Jeff Sessions, R-Ala., a former U.S. attorney and attorney general of his home state, told National Public Radio that while he always considered Gonzales a straight-shooter, if it turned out that he'd deliberately misled Congress, "I think he will be out of there."

The Sisters of Shelley are really concerned. We may make a road trip to console the brothers of Phi Gamma Gillmor.

There must be a good reason for anything Gonzales did. After all, President Bush named Gonzales Attorney General because he is a fine, upstanding, honest, brilliant lawyer capable of defending freedom, justice and liberty for the Sigma Mu Shelley (and the rest of US).

Thank God, West Virginia has Shelley Moore Capito. Even if she did think deceiving Congress was a bad idea, she's loyal enough to the President she woudn't complain about it.