Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Shelley Moore Capito invites George Bush on whistle-tour campaign trip

I don't get it. With news her re-election bid is tightenin', why hasn't Shelley Moore Capito done the obvious: invite our super Presidential George W. Bush back to the district.

We want to see this headline and we want to see it tomorrow morning... "Shelley Moore Capito invites George Bush on whistle-tour campaign trip." It would be so kewl.

Heck, I bet she could even get Dick Cheney to come along, too. One more time for ol' times sake, what do you say?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Shelley Moore Capito

It's crunch time. And, I ain't talking about your abs. In case you're wavering, here are the TOP TEN REASONS TO VOTE FOR SHELLEY MOORE CAPITO. (Sorry 'bout the yellin', I'm so excited I can't help myself.)

#1 - Shelley Moore Capito is the most loyal politician in all of the state of West Virginia. Even with our fearless leader President George Bush having a little bump in his favorability ratings, Shelley Moore Capito always stands by our man in the White House. George Bush may not be on the ballot this time, but a vote for Shelley Moore Capito is very the closest you can get.

#2 - Shelley Moore Capito is intimately familiar with all of the problems in Washington. She's served tirelessly on key committees like the one that got to decide which Republican policies to vote on between and how much deregulation the banking industry needed to keep the housing boom going strong.

#3 - Shelley Moore Capito knows how to jump-start the economy. She's in favor of making the Bush tax cuts permanent and even supports John McCain's determination to increase tax cuts for all of us making $1,000,000 a year even larger.

#4 - Shelley Moore Capito won't get distracted by the needs of ordinary, quaint, unfortunate American's stuck in the back allays and side-streets of our proud country. She'll take care of the captains of industry: Main Street and Wall Street.

#5 - Shelley Moore Capito knows how to keep America safe. She's been a strong proponent of extended, expanded, and robust military involvement in Iraq and any other country that threatens us. Like John McCain, she'll keep our soldiers over there as long as it takes!!

#6 - Shelley Moore Capito not just a loyal foot-solider for Republicans in Congress, she's ready to jump in front of any parade! She doesn't get bogged down with things like passing her own legislation, she knows there's lots of strong Congressman ahead of her in seniority to support.

#7 - If you like John McCain and Sarah Palin, you'll love Shelley Moore Capito. Sadly, George Bush has to pass the mantle of leadership to a new generation of Presidential leaders. We'll all miss Dick Cheney and George Bush. Thankfully, we can keep Shelley Moore Capito in office as a reminder of those glory years.

#8 - Shelley Moore Capito has a steadfast support for all that is right in America. There is no Republican policy so unpopular she won't get it the good ol' college try. When George Bush needed support to privatize social security, she was right there, inviting him on a listening tour in West Virginia. When the Republicans new the right way to give Seniors prescription medication was not to bog things down negotiations with pharmaceutical, Shelley Moore Capito was right there! When President George Bush needed Congress to keep funding the war without conditions, Shelley Moore Capito was right there!

#9 - A vote for Shelley Moore Capito is like a vote for John McCain, George Bush, Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin all at once! Go Team! Rah, rah, rah!

#10 - If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Shelley Moore Capito ain't broke, don't fix her!

Now get out there, vote early and often for the very bestest Congresswoman ever from West Virginia. Our very own super-special representative, Shelley "for ever" Moore Capito.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Woman, like Shelley Moore Capito, for McCain

The only thing that would make this campaign commercial for Sen. John McCain even better is if Rep. Shelley Moore Capito appeared in it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Shelley Moore Capito bravely pushes earmarks for donors

The bestest, greatest, most fantastic Congresswoman from West Virginia ever, Republican Shelley Moore Capito is demonstrating her independence. She has bravely stood up to the campaign promises of the McCain-Palin ticket to veto all earmarks. In open defiance of the leadership of her party, Capito is sticking to her guns--earmarks for everyone campaign donors.

The Shepherdstown Observer reports that not only is Capito making sure West Virginia gets its share of federal dollars, Republican Shelley Moore Capito is making sure as many tax dollars as possible go to the very right people--her campaign donors. After all, if you're not willing to invest in the best female member of Congress in W.Va., why should she invest in you?

Capito's Earmarks Linked to Campaign Contributions
Representative Shelley Moore Capito has published her Fiscal Year 2008 requests for federal earmarks on her website. One of these is $100,000 for the Loy Cultural Center for the renovation of a bottling plant in Romney.

Robert Mayhew, president of the Loy Foundation, told The Observer that he requested this funding from Rep. Capito. He also confirmed that he has contributed to Capito campaigns in 2002, 2005, 2006, and 2007 totaling more than $7,400.

Now, you might scoff, that's only one example. We all know when Shelley Moore Capito stands up for an important principle like directing tax dollars to her donors, you can be sure she won't pull up short. No, indeed.

This is not the only earmark that Capito has sponsored that has ties to campaign contributors. In her ’08 earmark requests she successfully secured $265,000 for the Schoenbaum Family Enrichment Center in Charleston. A member of its board of directors, Henry (William) Harmon, gave campaign money to Capito in 2003, 2005, and 2006, totaling $4,100.

Similarly, Capito successfully sponsored a $97,000 earmark for St Joseph’s Hospital in Buckannon. St. Joseph’s Hospital CEO Tony Atkins gave $1,000 to the Capito campaign in 2007, and Michael Sellards, also a board member of St. Joseph’s and CEO of Pallottine Health Services, the hospital’s parent company, gave $1,000 to Capito’s campaign in 2008.

Leslie Paige, spokesperson for the Citizens Against Government Waste, is outraged by this type of practice. “Of course there is a link between campaign contributions and earmarks. Is it right? No. It’s called “corruption” with a small ‘c’. This is using taxpayers’ dollars to do favors for your cronies. It is not illegal, but it is not terribly ethical.”

Federal funding for the Loy Center in Romney has received national attention. Rep. Jeff Flake (R-Arizona) listed the project as one of the country’s worst examples of earmark abuse.

Who says Capito isn't independent! She's willing to stand up to The Mavericks in her party, what can be more independent than that?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Who's suppressing voters now!?

I'm really confused. Those liberal West Virginia bloggers jamming up my Intertubes claim Republicans somehow try to suppress votes. They're so stupid they didn't notice a bunch of crazy movie stars are telling kids not to vote.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Name that caption!

DUNBAR, WV, March 18, 2008 – Rep. Capito speaks with representatives of Mountaineer Packaging after touring their facility. The owners of Mountaineer Packaging were named "Entrepreneurs of the Year" by the Small Business Administration.

I'm sure that the very bestest Congresswoman from all of West Virginia, Republican Shelley Moore Capito, was saying something very important to these fine young packagers. What could it be?

Monday, March 24, 2008

It's raining John McCain

If I knew how to get in touch with these patriotic sisters, I'd invite them to rush Sigma Mu Capito.

The very bestest Congresswoman in all of West Virginia, our very own very fine Republican Shelley Moore Capito, deserves a tribute this moving.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Good fences make good countries

Sister Shelley Moore Capito, I hate to ask, 'cause I know you're really busy doing everything you can to create a Republican America. I'm worried... whatever happened to the 6 billion dollar border fence you and President Bush were building? As you said, it is "vital to our country’s national and economic security."

With our American can-do attitude, we rebuilt schools in Afghanistan and erected one heck of a embassy in Iraq. Surely, we've made some progress on that 700-mile border fence, too?

I hope we finish it soon. You know, before the horse is out of the barn... I'd hate to see any more videos like this between now and November.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Help me, Shelley Moore Capito! Like who do we support in the West Virginia caucus?

Hello, Sister Shelley.

Sorry it's been so long. I had some money troubles over the summer and almost had to drop out of school. I know, it's my fault for not having rich enough parents. I'm working on it. There were boyfriend problems, too. Oh, my. good thing we're pro-choice! Whew... When the going gets tough, you find out who your friends really are!

The good news is, I have a new boyfriend!! :) OMG, he's dreamy. :D He's totally Republican. He's like one of lucky 1000 delegates at tomorrow's West Virginia Republican caucus, even.

Here's the problem. I need your help. I know he'll vote for who I tell him... we have our ways, right! Shelley, just tell me whose the one!

Who should we support? You said some great things about John McCain the other day. I'm confused, though. I hear John McCain is a lot like Hillary. Ehwwww, yuck.

Sigh, I wish that handsome guy from Law & Order had decided to run, he would have been great. What ever happen to him, anyway?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Shelley Moore Capito and a big deal of nothing

Hi there!! Enjoying your summer? You should see me, I've got this killer tan. No tan lines either! Wait until you see the pictures. Whoops, that's for facebook, not the sorority site... on to today's topic.

I just don't get why all those meanies keep attack the bestest Republican Congresswoman ever from West Virginia, Shelley Moore Capito. Why are making such a big deal out of nothing? Last week she passed a bill making it really, really hard for illegals to get free housing, that's something.

Capito is so right that free housing is a magnet for poor people from other countries to come to this country. I bet if you are poor in Mexico or some wierd place like that you just can't get free housing like our free housing. Of course you'd want to come here to be poor. Why be poor there when you can be poor here. We have a lot better housing for poor people, don't we?

Hmmm. I'm not super sure on that, 'cause I've never noticed any free poor people housing in West Virginia, but I know if Shelley says its a problem, it must be a realy big problem. It makes sense, right? All that super-great free housing we give people, it must be like a super-duper giant magnet for poor people from all over the world to come be poor people here. I'm sure Bush has been cutting back on it for the last six years but whatever is left, I can almost feel that tingly magnetic feeling myself.

So, I was sunning myself yesterday thinking about this big huge magnet and, gosh darn it, my head started hurting. It made me want to be a poor person so I could get a better apartment. Then I remembered, Tiffany, you don't want to live near poor people, not poor people who cant a speak a english very well and no one from some other countries, either. That would be too icky and wierd.

Now I'm thinking, maybe she didn't go far enough, Ms. Capito with her bill. Then it struck me. Of course, some people said the bill wasn't really necessary. Now, I know how super-duper clever she is. She had to have a good reason to pass a bill that looks like it doesn't do anything. It's all part of the perfrect plan she and Bush have have for turning off that humongous magnet:

Activate twin power #1: Capito passes a bill with some minor change to poor people free housing regulation.... so...

Activate twin power #2: Bush can issue a signing statement with sweeping changes to end free poor people housing as we know it.

Result: say bye-bye to that magnet.

You might think the simpliest thing to do is get rid of free poor people housing completely. It makes sense, they're just poor, not homeless. They'll find somewhere to live. Besides, there's all those church homeless shelters if they get desperate.

BUT, getting rid of free poor people housing completely it just wouldn't be fair to hard-working landlords who have struggled for years to build those beautiful poor people magnets.

Here's the one way to turn off that magnet forever and be fair to rich people, too. I bet this is what Capito and Bush figured out

Just like millionaire farmers are paid up to millions of dollars a year not to plant any crops, we can pay millionaire landlords as much money as they need not to rent to any poor people! No more magnet! No more illegal immigration!

That's why Shelley Moore Capito is the bestest! Cool, my headache is going away... but I kind of miss that tingly feeling.