Monday, July 23, 2007

Shelley Moore Capito and a big deal of nothing

Hi there!! Enjoying your summer? You should see me, I've got this killer tan. No tan lines either! Wait until you see the pictures. Whoops, that's for facebook, not the sorority site... on to today's topic.

I just don't get why all those meanies keep attack the bestest Republican Congresswoman ever from West Virginia, Shelley Moore Capito. Why are making such a big deal out of nothing? Last week she passed a bill making it really, really hard for illegals to get free housing, that's something.

Capito is so right that free housing is a magnet for poor people from other countries to come to this country. I bet if you are poor in Mexico or some wierd place like that you just can't get free housing like our free housing. Of course you'd want to come here to be poor. Why be poor there when you can be poor here. We have a lot better housing for poor people, don't we?

Hmmm. I'm not super sure on that, 'cause I've never noticed any free poor people housing in West Virginia, but I know if Shelley says its a problem, it must be a realy big problem. It makes sense, right? All that super-great free housing we give people, it must be like a super-duper giant magnet for poor people from all over the world to come be poor people here. I'm sure Bush has been cutting back on it for the last six years but whatever is left, I can almost feel that tingly magnetic feeling myself.

So, I was sunning myself yesterday thinking about this big huge magnet and, gosh darn it, my head started hurting. It made me want to be a poor person so I could get a better apartment. Then I remembered, Tiffany, you don't want to live near poor people, not poor people who cant a speak a english very well and no one from some other countries, either. That would be too icky and wierd.

Now I'm thinking, maybe she didn't go far enough, Ms. Capito with her bill. Then it struck me. Of course, some people said the bill wasn't really necessary. Now, I know how super-duper clever she is. She had to have a good reason to pass a bill that looks like it doesn't do anything. It's all part of the perfrect plan she and Bush have have for turning off that humongous magnet:

Activate twin power #1: Capito passes a bill with some minor change to poor people free housing regulation.... so...

Activate twin power #2: Bush can issue a signing statement with sweeping changes to end free poor people housing as we know it.

Result: say bye-bye to that magnet.

You might think the simpliest thing to do is get rid of free poor people housing completely. It makes sense, they're just poor, not homeless. They'll find somewhere to live. Besides, there's all those church homeless shelters if they get desperate.

BUT, getting rid of free poor people housing completely it just wouldn't be fair to hard-working landlords who have struggled for years to build those beautiful poor people magnets.

Here's the one way to turn off that magnet forever and be fair to rich people, too. I bet this is what Capito and Bush figured out

Just like millionaire farmers are paid up to millions of dollars a year not to plant any crops, we can pay millionaire landlords as much money as they need not to rent to any poor people! No more magnet! No more illegal immigration!

That's why Shelley Moore Capito is the bestest! Cool, my headache is going away... but I kind of miss that tingly feeling.


Anonymous said...

Oh, I get it.
This is a anti-Capito site masquerading as a pro-Capito site.

How ironic and original.

Turbonerd said...

Hey Tiff:

Great work, getting us all back up to speed on the bestest Congressperson ever (Shelley Moore Capito, natch) after the long summer.

I think your reasoning about making it illegal to rent to illegal immigrants even illegaller is dead on track. After all, when you're filthy rich, you don't stop offshoring and busting unions and getting tax breaks, right? No, you keep right on going back to the well, getting MORE filthy rich and busting MORE unions and getting MORE tax breaks! (at least until that not-very-nice Pelosi person took over.)

Anyway, my point is, you keep doing what works, and obviously picking on people who don't have a voice in our system of government is working quite well for Rep. Moore Capito. Thanks for keeping Rep Moore Capito in the spotlight. It's good to know that we have someone in D.C. that knows how to keep the "illegal" in "illegal immigrant."