Dear Rep. Shelley Moore Civility Capito, the very bestest fastest Republican West Virginia Congresswoman ever!
The Sisters of Shelley here at Sigmu Mu Capito are planning our Spring Fund Raising drive. Did you hear the news today?
It gave us all sorts of super new fund-raising ideas. The supremely super Supreme Court just overturned the judicial activism of all previous courts. Now, we're more like pro-choice Republicans ourselves but if the leader of your party, our dear President George W(onderful) Bush appointed those decisive Justices they must know what they're doing.
Back to our fund-raising: with the safest late-term abortion methods illegal, it's only right to start planning somewhere for those poor babies to grow up. We're pleased to announce:
Sisterly Helping In Time"
The C.R.O.C. o. S.H.I.T. (for short) is just the place for an unwanted baby to call home after his or her mother dies in a complicated childbirth.
Next we thought, we need a spokeswoman? Duh?!? Of course! You're the perfect spokeswoman for a C.R.O.C. o. S.H.I.T. Like Pres. George W(onderful) Bush you're a compassionate Christian. What makes you perfect: you're pro-choice, too!
Worthy charity: check. Perfect spokeswoman: check. Next problem: where to get money...
This is where the news turned from good to great to excellent to superb to stupendous (or was it stupendous to superb... whatever). We know your campaign makes donations to charity from time to time. There was that Tom Delay money you gave to one charity and that Bob Ney money you gave to another... imagine our amazement when we saw this news:
His chief of staff abruptly resigned last Friday, now that lingering FBI investigation is heating up, we're thinking pretty soon now you might be making another donation?!
Here's our modest proposal: when you offload the $2000 Rep. John Doolittle gave your campaign, will you keep our C.R.O.C. o. S.H.I.T. in mind? After all, what better way to serve penance for our Republican Party's undermining of pro-choice policies?
Signed with sisterly love (though not in a Cheney sort of way),
Tiff' and all the Sisters of Shelley
Sigma Mu Capito Fund-Raising Committee For
Christian Republican Orphan's Club offering Sisterly Helping In Time
p.s. That good man Tom Delay has been touring the country selling his book. We haven't bought a copy because your name isn't in the index. Should we get a copy for the Sigma Mu Capito library anyway? After all, he's been so generous over the years--giving you more money than anyone else in all of Congress. Let us know. Hugs and (air) kisses.
p.p.s. Pretty please with a full cherry on top, please make that donation. You could be a huge help in filling this C.R.O.C. o. S.H.I.T.