Jesus General, we're all Christian here, don't get any ideas

Dearest Jesus General,

The Sisterhood of Shelley is truly honored and flattered by your expression of affection. As a leader of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution you are a Great American. So, we really hate to get all prickly about this...

Our mother's raised us as good Christian girls. Thanks to our brother's and father's we know how to be good Christian woman, too. What exactly did you mean "it's a good thing you're a Mormon"?

I heard Karl Rove is one, just like that handsome Mitt Romney fellow, so being Mormon must be okay and all. Still, we heard something about sister wives. Just to set the record straight, we are all mostly spoken for. [Phew, that was awkward.]

With greatest affection in a most Christian sisterly kind of way,

The Sisterhood of Shelley
Sigma Mu Capito

p.s. Do you have a daughter? How about a niece? We'd love for her to rush SMC!! Maybe a son? The Spring formal is coming up... hint, hint. :D

p.p.s. We just learned those horrible meanie liberocrats at West Virginia Blue are already trying to raise money against Shelley Moore Capito. P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C. They don't even have a candidate and they think they can still get people to contribute.